moving.. always hard for me. im just feeling a little overwhelmed, and not at home yet... how long till i can call a place home? well its the new year and we brought it in with lots of fun memories.. and some i dont remember doing.. well im alive today and im thankful.
alot on my mind now that james is working crazy hours for the next four months.. i feel lonely already just knowing its starting today.
well, happy new years to all! i hope everyone had an amazing night.

in the hands of God, we will fall, rest for the restless and the weary. hope for the sinner.
in the hands of God, we stand tall. hands of the mighty to deliver, giving us freedom.
your amazing.

its a new year tomorrow! exhausted from 2009, im looking forward to the new year, a fresh start, a new boost of hope for a better life.
prayers of guidance.
prayers of peace and excitement.
prayers of a fire placed in my heart that will get me off my butt to do what i love..
help others.. less fortunate, in need of ears to listen, hands to feed.
i want to be useful.

i have a long list of new year resolutions. and if even one of them is accomplished i know i will be a much happier person.

its a new year!!! and i know how amazing God is, i made it to 2010!!

i dont know what to do. i dont know if we can ever be the same. i dont know if we can get passed this. i dont know if you.. can forgive me.
you say you forgive me.. but your actions behind your words only last so long.
and your actions.. seem to be there for people to see.. not for me to feel.

its the beginning of another stressful week. not only with working 6 days a week... but its the second time i saw you...and we never seem to say goodbye with our hearts, or our minds. i leave in a daze of sadness, regret and wishfullness.
i leave in fear that its the last time. that this.. is too much to handle. too much to forgive.
i dont know what to say to make it better... and i dont know how to talk to you when your angry.

im happy we had the talk that we did... but with the hurt that we both feel, im wishing i never had to talk. life would be easier if my words evapourated before they hit your ears. but it wouldnt work, it doesnt happen like that.

i took communion with you today. i strongly believe in not particapating unless my mind and heart and soul are clear. do you feel the same? forgiveness is not a one time... forgive and forget moment.. how easy would life be if it was?? but i asked for forgiveness... i forgave you... i felt at peace with us..

when will you feel at peace with us? will you ever feel at peace?
this worries me.

6 months

im sitting hear, exhausted. listening to Alexi Murdoch. texting my lover. praying thankyou's to my savior that ive been committed to him for 6 months. thats pretty much unbelievable. and after my freak out at work, my crazy rushed prayer time with god, asking for calmness, thanking him and trying to organize my thoughts.. well i realized ive never been happier, more at home and trusting with another person. this person that i thought could never exist.. well he does and he loves me.. its just the weirdest thing for me to grasp. im not a man hater.. i just dont have faith in... well any of them. but im being healed and im so happy i feel like im going crazy. we share our faith, our likes... well most of them, and dislikes.. well most of them lol. im just so excited. i feel so blessed. so lucky.

away we go

amazing movie. its artsy, small film, and perfect. its a movie about finding your home.. your roots, but also finding it with the person you love, and person being created in her.
made me laugh.. makes me want to go for a walk and just think about my life, makes me want to cry, and it makes me smile from deep in my heart.

a good day.

yesterday.. started out rough. i woke up 15 minutes before i started work... at 6am. didnt wash my face, or brush my teeth, or do anything with my bed head. work was fine, drank alot of coffee and before i knew it, it was 1pm and i got to leave! so my most amazing boyfriend picked me up and we went "shopping" or basically window shopping. it was probably one of my bestest afternoons. i was tired, gross and in my chef clothes, but mostly i got to spend all afternoon just him and me. it was perfect.

just tired

so yesterday i worked my first twelve hour shift at wild craft. i fell asleep at 11 last night.. full out pass out. waking up when my sister offered me a free ride to my place.. and i turned it down and continued to be numb to the world.
waking up i was still tired in my mind, but my body was already stretching and getting ready to be walked. so i went made myself a tea.. and now im wrapped in a blanket writing on my blog.

goals today:
read captivating.
re read chapter two of falling for god.
at some point i need to shower, and might need to go to my own house.

excitment for the day:
my lover might come visit me tonight!!! yea!