trust. never thought i would be the one making it a hard thing. i know that i dont trust easily.. and i only trust a select few in my life.. but i never thought i could be the untrustworthy one. it cuts me to even think it. i find a person that i love, fly thousands of miles away for 4 months, and if thats not a test enough, i get drunk with random guys. nothing happens i just get drunk. and i hate that i make him worry about me. i hate that he stays up, unable to sleep because he's stressed that im not safe or doing something i shouldnt be.
change. its not making myself be someone different. its deciding that this person is worth cutting back on doing things that make him uncomfortable.
aahh.. i cant even put my thoughts out now.. this is terrible. i wish i could just fly home to his arms and never let him go. im so sorry for making you worry. i hate that i am doing that to him. thats just.. its not cool.