the summer melodies

so, now that its supposed to be 10 degrees and higher this week, i have started listening to my favourite patio artist. JACK JOHNSON
his music is fun, sensitive and Caribbean ish.. you just cant go wrong!! "wisdoms in the trees not the glass windows" just brilliant!
thats from the song Breakdown. talking about we pass life without stopping and looking around, without making memories and meeting different people with the hopes of being friends.
i'm not really in the share my soul mood right now, but, it is a good topic. and my next post will definitely carry it on.

sunday mornings

its another Sunday, another day of rest.
the wind is strongly thrashing around the tree outside my window
its whipped movements almost look like the tree is excited that the spring winds are here
the sun on its bark is giving a soft glow to its body as it dances in its rays.
and when the wind dies i feel as if it is sad... it wants to play for longer in this game of spring.

yesterday i went for a walk around Toronto to bask in as much sunlight as possible. it wasn't really warm but in the sun i was toasty. after 3 hours of walking around, we decided that our faces were frozen into place and it was time to head home.
i think that spring in the city is much more enjoyable than in the country. I usually hate spring, its wet, the world is still blah. but in the city there's not much colour anyways, so spring is just sunlight! its beautiful and everyone in Toronto wants to be basking it in. and they are.

my sister is being blessed off by her church. she's going on a missions trip this week to peru. i miss her already. its going to be a long time before i see her again.
i wish her safety over all things.
i wish her love for the country, love for the children she meets,
love for the people she works with
and that all this love comes through Christ, her back bone cross that keeps her strongly pressing forward into the unknown and into knowing.
i love you with all my heart.

with love, forever.

a new day, a new stress, a new adventure.
A new time limit to the day,
a new stress to a new day
and the unsuspecting new adventure that makes every day worth getting out of bed for.

i have two interviews today, one for my future home and the other for my future schooling.
if there's anything i hate talking about its my future. with so many uncertainties i find it very stressful. i like to be in the moment all the time if i can, but everyone wants to know your future and not having an idea is more stressful than having an incomplete one. So with my incomplete and unsure future i move forward.

bababbaba bah bah bah bah bah

i think the string instruments are the most beautiful sounds in the morning classical music.

after an amazing sleep, almost all of my first coffee of the day down

a couple of yoga stretches and no sign of daylight outside, i have time to reflect on the day just passed and the just ahead.

yesterday was so amazing outside, the sunrise was beautiful, the temperature was springing into everyones step and everyone was walking! i walked home in the sun, smiling and enjoying the people out and about, opened my window in my room and enjoyed the fresh air for a while.

i was about to start talking about today, but i have decided against it. the troubles of today are too near to start talking about early.

i've turned up my music and try to get lost in the emotions of classical sound.

the beginning of a new day, a new time- a new start?

"everyday is like a new slate- clean with no mistakes on it... yet" i think thats from Anne of Green Gables*

starting my morning off with classical music and yoga. trying to relax my thoughts, my mind-body and soul. uniting myself with calming music and soothing breathing- slow concentrated and even.

the sun is rising, a pale blue sky is reflected on the buildings bringing a fresh glow into my room.

the clock bounces from 7 08 to 7 09 and above.

i stare out my window and think that there is a little yellow reflecting among the blue.

hope

hope for a beautiful new day

hope

it is fading already with thoughts of my day ahead

the clean slate is smudged with thoughts.

the smooth surface seems rough and rocky for today.

maybe hope for tomarrow...

to the hearts all over the world tonight

its amazing the things that come out to different people. some people have two faces.. i have a million. i can be so many different emily's for different people. is it weird that i feel that i fit all these different faces?
i'm i confused, lost and unsure of myself. i thought so for awhile and it was hard. trying to find out who you really are when every different face is soo you. why do i have to be only one person? who am i the most comfortable being? i'm comfortable with whoever or whatever face i am, depending on who i am with. it just sounds so wrong but thats really how it is. i guess that makes me a people pleaser doesnt it? i guess i am. i've always had to be. with my family deciding im the person to complain about everyone else to, i've had to be so many different faces. i'm not angry about that, it happened and i became very educated about my amazingly dysfunctional family, thats nothing to get angry about. at times i just wanted to hear silence from all lips in my family, but than again, either they all trust me, or i'm the only one who puts up with their gossip.
i think that and my childhood experiences have taught me all my different faces. of course though all my faces break down if im mad into one angry face. that one is always the same.

but it seems that people respect those most who are themselves.. those who dont have different faces to different people.
but after growing with all these different faces, its really hard to just be one, especially when you cant pick just one. i remember that year of trying to figure out my one true face, and it was hell. i felt guilty when i did something outside this one face. so why cant i just accept that i am all these faces and i just know what to talk about and share with some people and what not to share with others? is that wrong? should i just always be and say everything to everyone no matter?

like i love to party, and i love the city, but i also love playing board games and going for walks in the woods. when i'm with my city friends who hate trees and fresh air, i just dont talk about it with them. they wont care so why waste that time?
on more personal level, i dont go around telling all my friends that i have a gay brother who i hate and dont talk to. i find that alot of people dont want to hear about the mess ups in life... not unless they can laugh at it. so maybe these different faces arent faces at all.. i just choose to show them one part of me at a time. maybe..

the classical era

so about two.. three days ago, i downloaded the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack.. well what i could find of it. the music is all classical songs, some a little bit cheery but most sombre. i love it, i walk to school listening to it and especially this morning, it is so beautiful to walk to. its like a personal sound track to your own life movie. how many people do you see walking down a side walk on a busy toronto street at 7 in the morning.. smiling. well i did this morning. it was beautiful outside. my lack of sleep for the past two days doesnt make me uber tired or at least i dont think about it when i'm having a really good morning soundtrack to start off my day.

alot of people have told me to listen to worship music in the morning, and i did for awhile but it was just music. normal music. in the morning words are words and i dont listen to them. i dont listen to myself think in the morning, how could i listen to someone else think?
so i listen to classical, and its so beautiful. i suggest it to those early risers. early counts as something before 7am. its an amazing mood setter.

i was taking the subway a couple mornings ago and i was listening to my classical music on my ipod loud.. to drown out the sound of the subway, and i received numerous looks and smiles. one lady actually moved to sit beside me. classical music may be old school to some people, but no one can deny that it can play in everyones heart.

i wish i could attach music to this blog.
Beethoven andante in F major. look it up, its beautiful