to the hearts all over the world tonight

its amazing the things that come out to different people. some people have two faces.. i have a million. i can be so many different emily's for different people. is it weird that i feel that i fit all these different faces?
i'm i confused, lost and unsure of myself. i thought so for awhile and it was hard. trying to find out who you really are when every different face is soo you. why do i have to be only one person? who am i the most comfortable being? i'm comfortable with whoever or whatever face i am, depending on who i am with. it just sounds so wrong but thats really how it is. i guess that makes me a people pleaser doesnt it? i guess i am. i've always had to be. with my family deciding im the person to complain about everyone else to, i've had to be so many different faces. i'm not angry about that, it happened and i became very educated about my amazingly dysfunctional family, thats nothing to get angry about. at times i just wanted to hear silence from all lips in my family, but than again, either they all trust me, or i'm the only one who puts up with their gossip.
i think that and my childhood experiences have taught me all my different faces. of course though all my faces break down if im mad into one angry face. that one is always the same.

but it seems that people respect those most who are themselves.. those who dont have different faces to different people.
but after growing with all these different faces, its really hard to just be one, especially when you cant pick just one. i remember that year of trying to figure out my one true face, and it was hell. i felt guilty when i did something outside this one face. so why cant i just accept that i am all these faces and i just know what to talk about and share with some people and what not to share with others? is that wrong? should i just always be and say everything to everyone no matter?

like i love to party, and i love the city, but i also love playing board games and going for walks in the woods. when i'm with my city friends who hate trees and fresh air, i just dont talk about it with them. they wont care so why waste that time?
on more personal level, i dont go around telling all my friends that i have a gay brother who i hate and dont talk to. i find that alot of people dont want to hear about the mess ups in life... not unless they can laugh at it. so maybe these different faces arent faces at all.. i just choose to show them one part of me at a time. maybe..