a stepford date

looking on my past and present relationship i have realized that as much as i love companionship, my relationships with people is timed. whether a boyfriend that i know i will dump in the next month or week, a lover that i know is leaving, or friends that i spend a max time of a day or two together before we separate for an undisclosed amount of time. why is it that every relationship is like a ticking bomb, that will explode if we spend too much time together. i am horrible at keeping connections. my best of friends are the people who i dont have to worry about the fact i havent talked to them for months or even a year and yet when i see them its like we were never apart. is it weird? unnatural? am i more messed up than i at first thought?

i have always wondered if i could be the marrying type. i like companionship. but living with a man that i love (which i am completely unaware of the meaning) for the rest of my life.!! ah!
and how will it happen?? where will we meet? will i be horribly depressed if i never meet him? i have always said i didnt care whether i get married or not.. i wonder if those are my true feelings.. everyone says to marry your best friend, but i dont talk to my best friends for weeks on end.. i dont think thats the best advice for me. with all the literature out there about meeting your mister right, no wonder women are so messed up.. instead of being yourself, you're being a text book woman.. a stepford date of the year two thousand and whatever of the book having been published. it's really bizarre.