fall in droplets

so I'm just sitting here, listening to Colbie Calliat and reading my sisters blogs and it seems loneliness is a topic that everyone is trying to figure out. in the song paint it golden you hear a thunderstorm in the background and to me that would be a good lonely. i love watching and listening to thunderstorms and rain alone. being alone with natural beauty is not lonely to me, although at times the rain does not seem so romantic to me and i feel more lonely than ever in the rain. loneliness is an odd emotion. It tears me down so far into a depression but because i firmly believe that crying solves nothing there seems to be no hope of alleviating my loneliness. Even praying seems to me so hopeless. "and the world it seems so far away, and I'm just waiting to fall in droplets". to feel like disappearing... is that low self-esteem? sometimes i like to run away from the crowd and find a corner in the middle of no-where, and i wonder if anyone will come looking for me, but if and when they do, i always just want someone to sit with me. not try and figure out what I'm feeling, just sit beside me and be in their own thoughts. why is it that everyone wants words to fill the silence. maybe that's why i like thunderstorms.. the silence is so precious between thunder, but the rain is never silent. the constant noise that everyone tries to achieve in life. am i afraid of silence? silence in my life? is silence automatically paired with loneliness? the go-go life seems to be the way of the 21st century. loneliness is man kinds greatest fear? maybe not.. maybe we like noise so that we dont have to think about all the emotions we are feeling? i love listening to music constantly if i can.. or i will sing constantly.. but i know when i need silence to figure out my thoughts...