cuz its all about you

this is a story about a girl. i wonder how many movies have that line in them? haha anyways, my weekend has been an interesting one. I slept over at liz's friday. On Saturday, we decided to go for a bike ride through the trails along the escarpment. It was harsh, i havent been on a bike in ages and my legs felt like rubber for awhile, it was like riding a horse for the first time in a long time. haha i rediscovered muscles in my legs. it was alot of fun though, we saw half a dozen dear, i finally found out where that bridge that crosses the highway goes to, and i peed in the bushes! haha i haven't done that since camp. we biked into the woods found this pretty awesome field that was completely mud. i had alot of fun, scrapes and sprained ankles altogether! it was beautiful outside so liz and i walked to Tim Hortons came back and sat outside on the bench till it was time for her to go work. we had a really good talk. she was saying that when she was in Romania she realized how fortunate she was to have her parents. i told her how her parent basically raised me too, considering they taught me everything i know about children and how to talk/take care of them, they taught me to be responsible, face my fears and to live out my faith. They encouraged me in my singing, which i never really got in my own family. they were the first and only family to support my decision in going to chef school right from the beginning- which has meant more to me than anything.
As liz plainly pointed out, my childhood was screwed over from the beginning and she is happy that her parents raised me. we talked about what i might have turned out as if i hadn't met them, or if my parent hadn't gotten divorced or if certain things hadn't happened when i was little. But with all considered, my circumstances growing up are what made me, me. and i wouldn't want to change that. Sure i still have people to forgive and holes in my heart to fill, and let my black heart be open to love, but forgiveness does not take two seconds. many people tell me i just need to forgive and why haven't i done that yet? life will be so much easier when I've done that. well, believe me! i know all the steps i need to take, I've been hearing nothing else since i was 6! but i need time, i can't just do it. you say why not, and i ask you. have you ever been through what i have?! i know the steps to "freedom" i just need time to face them and do them. I've forgiven the people, but forgiveness is not as simple in this case. i have to keep forgiving every time I'm reminded of something they did or didn't do, and so i need time to forgive them for those things. and maybe i have forgiven some people, but if i was face to face with them, i would have nothing to say to them.. and thats not a bad thing!

well that was basically our conversation. it was pretty amazing. i haven't talked about that stuff in a long time, and there was really no other person i would want to talk about that with that her. This missions trip she went on has reminded me that sometimes when your serving others, your healing your own heart in being a servant.