amazing

i am going to miss small group. tonight was amazing.
its always hard for me to open up too people. to admit im weak. to admit that.. ya my family is messed and im tired of being the one holding them together but i always will because they are my family.
tonight was a chill night that ended up being one really long intense prayer circle. it was what i needed. after the easter weekend, i was so angry at jesus for bringing me back into the middle of this families problems that i didnt even want to pray or read my bible. i was just angry. tonight i asked for prayer over my family, and over the missions trip. I spent two years in toronto being immersed in the culture and man did i ever change. some for the good and some for the not soo good. I want this missions trip to be my life shock. to zap me back into the person i am.. who i want to be and especially who god wants me to be. i was a little worried how that was going to happen.. not working with children or having to really share the gospel. but i prayed for a movement. and i felt gods spirit.. its been a while but i remember why i love him so much.
i understand why i love all these people. girls who are insecure in their appearance, who have problems with their fathers, guys who are looking for jobs, or just direction. im not alone in my struggles and i dont share all these struggles but God is pointing out to me the things that i need to communicate love over.
tonight.. just amazing. i love God.