life... and its ironies

so last i read my sisters blog and was flabergasted to find that we are feeling all the same emotions. As everyone pretty much knows i have never been in love. I told everyone i dont believe in love and was pretty happy being an anti commitment teenager surrounded by teen love that never lasted. and now having no previous experience of wat true love is, or wat commitment is for that matter, i find myself surrounded by and all alone in this area of love. I admire my friends who have been committed to their specials for years. and sometimes i wish i had that. i long for some one to care about wat i did while i was gone, for someone to care about the bitch i ran into at the store, or the funny conversation i heard while i was walking home from the street car. anything. but i come home to a basement, with no food a tv and stress.
recently i fell for a guy. and its a weird experience. not because i have never fell for a guy before, but because except for one thing, we have everything in common! our likes, dislikes, music, movies, food, partying, everything! everyday i'm with him i discover another thing we have in common.
i have never ever ever had that. ever. and i'm at a total loss at how to handle it. is it just evil comedy to have a guy in my life who i think is perfect for me and not be able to finally commit to a relationship.

i wondered while i was in highschool if the reason i wasnt all for commitment was because i had never witnessed a real relationship and so wasn't sure wat it was. now surrounded by relationships that have lasted and others that i kno will last i don't have even the slightest opportunity to share that commitment. i'm jealous of it. soo jealous of it. i have been afraid of love because i kno that it brings hurt and heart ache, but now i realize that hurt and heart ache is only a small part of it. that love and commitment is the biggest part of it. and i want that! haha emily bogdan, no commitment i'll get married maybe girl wants love. haha even as i'm writing it, i kno its true and its just too real. i never thought those words would come out. i'm growing up! my life living at home with uncommitted and broken homes is leaving me. i'm discovering a world of real love, heart ache and amazing memories!

well, enough of my pathetic first timer love issues.
to my the only one i kno that reads this.. i love you steph