cry

in my life, crying has never gotten me anywhere. i see it as a weakness. a lack of self control over my emotions, which i let run wild growing up. i see crying as a weakness in others. i am not an unemotional person. but i find crying only necessary in certain circumstances- death or sorrow of one you love. crying for myself makes me feel self important. crying for others because they are crying i also find a weakness, sadness does not always need to be tied with tears.
since i was young i hated when my mom cried, mostly because i found that was all she did in tough situations, and it solved nothing.
i watched the last samurai tonight, and i let tears fall with no shame. I let myself cry while watching war movies, because honour and sacrifice by selfless people is no small thing. to die for what they believe to be right is so far gone in todays society, that not even sacrifice for what is believed by one is ever seen.
I wish and long for honour. in my mind i cannot think of a better reward than being thought of as honourable. my family line is far from honourable. adulterers, drunks, abusers.. that is my family line. I cry for the honour of men and women who deserve it because of their choices and firm beliefs.
i do not cry at funerals. i do not cry at family disasters. some tease me to be completely unemotional. i see it as a strength. i have not been scared for anyone or thing lately so i do not know if i would cry. as for now, i only cry for the honour portrayed on the screen. stories of real men and women, with honour and strength.