kno what you gotta do when life gets you down?!

get busy living, or get busy dying.

haha life is crazy! god is crazy! god gives you this overwhelming feeling to serve him so you follow. you take the plunge. than! your life slowly just falls apart.. piece by piece. even the mission to serve god seems to be crushed by a wave.
then, you land ashore! and the mission is going faster and stronger than ever!
life soon follows.

its crazy. you set a fool proof plan for your life. than BAM! God shuts it down and says. uh un. i dont think so.. not that way.. this way. my way. and you cry and scream and you puke from the stress of the un known. than a little piece comes into place, and you stop crying. you stop screaming. and then another piece comes into place.. lol God is crazy. he wants my life to be crazy and adventurous and fun. he told me not to get caught up in the money. dont get caught up in the scene. do what you always wanted to do. leave the city. leave the past. find the future while living in the now. be adventurous. be scared. test the unknown. life is good. life is full and wonderful. being rich doesnt bring happiness. having money may make life smoother... but then who doesnt want to live on the wild side?! lol time and time again. haha the lord saves me from the world of money. reminds me of what my heart wants to do, and says go! do it! and tell me all about it along the way.

ps i love you.

to where.

i've been trying to find my way back home.

alone. in a field. surrounded by colours.

a breeze. warm and strong. blowing me over.

i want to scream. louder than ever.
"what now? where do i go? i don't know what to do!"

i scream until i cry. fall on my knees. feel the grass between my fingers.

i cry until it hurts my throat. i don't know where to go.



lying on my back. wind sweeping the tears across my face.
i cough choking on my own tears. deep breaths.

deep breaths. close my eyes.

alone. a blanket of wind. a bed of grass. a home of hills.

i stand. crying. fearful. weak. open my arms.

heaven is a wonderful place.. filled with glory and grace

so heritage has a bible study. and tonight the discussion was if there was no heaven would you still be a christian? my first response was basically no.. that i would follow the moral guide lines of Christianity but i could not see myself worshiping jesus who would be then just a man. the next question was what is heaven to you. we all described our peaceful waterfall, soothing grass hills and lots of flowers (it was mainly girls tonight). Jared who was leading the discussion than said, wouldnt you get bored if all heaven was, was that. heaven should be thought of not as a home.. but as meeting in person, the one we on earth have learned to love. Jesus, God. heaven is getting to know them even more and learning even more about them. imagine those moments when you feel Gods presence.. its overwhelming, it makes you want to cry and laugh and jump around hug and sing and run and scream.. now imagine meeting that person face to face.. that is heaven.

it made me think about how shallow i was. my first response. i thought about it in such an earthly secular way. and now after this talk i was relieved. on earth all i worry about is where im going to go, where i need to live. heaven to me was just another place to worry about. am i going to make it, will i have rest.. what is the cost? not that its any less scary, but its scary in a different way now.. if i am so in love with Christ, i would do anything, anything to be with Christ forever. Christianity is sometimes sold to unbelievers by asking whether they want to get to heaven.. or go to hell. that is not the point of our faith. it should not be our selling point.

it was a good discussion.. think about it.

the now part

life is complicated.. and it gets more complicated the older you become. great incentive to grow up eh? i had an interesting talk with my brother the other day. i realized that eveytime i think i have a solid plan... haha the lord changes my direction completely. and all of a sudden im forced back into the world of the unknown. i get depressed in the unknown. its exciting once i realize that the unknown is leading me to where ever.. but the now part.. the i have no freakin idea what im going to do with my life part.. it sucks.

be present. aparentely the two most profound words. live in the now. as discussed in last weeks bs group christians it seems have one major fault among younger generation christians.. they dont live in the now.. they live for the future.. always concentrating on the end. our generation wants to live in the present, in the day.. in the hour, in the seconds. concentrate on the seconds in a day and dont let life pass by you as you look towards the light.. the light will always be shinning on you.. no sense staring at it and going blind to everything around you.