I want the truth!
you cant handle the truth!

may be true, but i would still appreciate not have a mental break down everytime i see my parents and have to be re-introduced to their truths about eachother... to realize that all my childhood was a lie. tell me the truth i may have hated you then when you did.. but isnt that better than me hating you now, after you didnt...

so many questions, so many lies.. when a liar tells you the truth.. can you believe him?
no trust.

pretty awesome feeling im having right now.
with so many goals, so much commitment.. and actually starting to follow through.. its pretty awesome! starting a series on prayer.. what better way to start? memorizing verses.. getting over an addiction, putting priorities first.. organizing financing's... organizing my life!.. its so much but i've never been more excited and ready for this. its an awesome time! a beautiful time. how awesome is god??

a sick day.. feeling like im always an inconvience to the people around me... feeling like i need to punish myself for something i did.. i have no idea what i did.. but im punishing myself for it anyways.
im a little jealous.. a little worried.. that you have a need for your parents approval... for them to know how work was.. is more important than for me to know how your day at work was... im definitely jealous.

If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father's house, then the LORD will be my God

what a rough start.
from being soo excited, and planning it all out..
to not wanting to talk about it and asking myself if i even really want too..
having james scare me.
me thinking life would be so much easier, and less drama if we werent.
then asking for peace and opening up my bible and finding it right there.. highlighted in my eyes and heart. the lord is with me.. crazy as i am.. he loves me and he will never leave. i asked to be challenged.. i was, and he was there.. with me till the end..
i may have failed miserably, but at the end.. im still not alone.
peace. finds you when you ask for it.
hope is in the light at dawn and in the stars at dusk.
love, love never leaves. through dismisses and ignorance.. love stays with you.

am i going to turn into a stepford wife? am i going to have to sit down with my husband at some mid life crisis therapy and rediscover myself, because at the moment i said i do, i decided to become the perfect wife, instead of my husbands best friend...
i've been watching wayyy too much Six Feet Under lately.

im sitting on a couch, my eyes going in and out of focus, and i cant feel my legs, i dont know if i can move them. my brain is on double time, then it stops.. and there;s nothing. no noise from the people upstairs, all thoughts are blocked. its silent.
my heart is still pumping, but MY heart seems to be breaking... my emotions are going to far from my head.. i cant stop myself from crying any more...